Ahaha to the last 2!!

There is a guy plaing golf with his wife, when he hits a ball wrong and it break the window of a bar. They go to investigate make sure anyone isnt hurt. When the guy walks in he sees a broken lamp and a dude sitting next to it in a turban. he thinks OH MY GOD a Genie! He goes to the Genie and says hey your a genie right! So do i get my 3 wishes? The Genie looks at the man and says Yes but you only get 2 and i will keep the last wish for myself. So the Guy wishes to have lots of money and to be very sucsessful in life. The Genie nods his head and saids done. He then goes on to say okay so my turn for my wish I have been locked in that lamp for a very long time and i would really like the company of a women I wish to sleep with your wife. The guy being excited bout being rich and stuff says sure.
Later after the sex is had the "Genie" asks the guys wife.
"So how long has your husband believed in that genie stuff?"

Hahhaha




An amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

Irish Toast



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Q. Why do women have faces?
A. So you know which cunt is yours

Falcor, your first joke actually made me laugh.

a mushroom walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. the bartender says "sorry, we dont serve your kind here." and then the mushroom said,"Why not? Im a fun-guy!"

get it? like fungi? ahahaha

this is an old one.
What do you call a hairry jew?
Jewbacca

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Hahah.
My mom told me this one:

Why does Helen Keller have a burn mark on the side of her face?
Because she accidentaly answered the iron.

Why does she have a burn mark on the other side?
Because they called back.

Whats red and smells like blue paint?



Red paint.