Once Upon a time...

[ItsAPoorlyKeptSecret]

Using your own insightful point of view on the world, lets all make up a story one sentence at a time, I kno there was a similar thread to this somewhere in bullshit but this is Lit so its okay cause I say.


"Once Upon a time, there was a small village of gnome, whos sole purpose in life was to cultivate the greenest green, and live out life in a magic shrooms they called home. But the gnome had only one other natural enemy... the Zombie Bunnies!"

[Nebuchadnezzar]

The gnomes ran free and happy through their verdant hills, concerned only with the pleasures of life and the pursuit of righteousness, blissfully unaware of the SHROUD OF STYGIAN DOOM THAT WOULD SOON CONSUME THEIR DEFENSELESS LAND!

"Meanwhile, down in the town, the happy folk slept restlessly, their dreams invaded by shadowy figures digging away at their souls! Every day, people would wake and stare at the mountain; why was it bringing darkness into their lives?"

-Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head, The Gorillaz

[Phoenix Fire]

The darkness dwells at the peak of the land, this darkness, is named Albert, Albert the Beaner. It is a foul darkness, which s***ls of beans. Those who come across it become it's prey.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

And across the land a fell wind blows... WEEEEEESSSSSSKEEEEEEERRRRRR..... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSKEEEERRRRRRRR.....

"As the strange folk, mined deeper and deeper into the mountain, holes began to appear, bringing with them a cold and bitter wind that chilled the very soul of the monkey."

[ItsAPoorlyKeptSecret]

<<<you guys have totally fuckin lost me. You Killed the My Thread You Stupid Sons of Bitches!!>>>


So one day, a gnome named Greg, went for a walk. When he stumbled upon a cave he'd never seen before. He went into the mouth of the cave. He saw that there was a very old death gnome language writings on the wall. Luckily his grandfather had taught him the language when he was younger. He could make out so much, as it the writing seemed to be ancient and withered from neglect. He read..."And when the bunnies attack they shall win and the gnomes shall fall, unless the choosen one shold step up." He then...

<<<now thats how you fuckin get shit goin boys>>>

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Gasping in awe at the ancient revelation, Greg stumbled out of the cave and sat down heavily, overwhelmed by the carving's apocalyptic omen. For several minutes he sat like a statue, horrific visions of destruction dancing in his mind's eye; everyone knew of the Zombie Bunnies, scourges of ancient Gnomanity, but they had vanished more than a thousand years prior, vowing to return one day for their cruel and heartless vengeance.

[crazyassmetalhead]

Then he smoked a bowl of the fine gnomish ganja he had in his pocket to calm down, and said to himself "fuck this shit, i'm just high." Then Greg went home, and forgot all about that weird ass shit.

[Cake]

Later that day, after the daily gnome orgie on the magical muchrooms, greg was recovering from a horrible anal fisting WHEN

[crazyassmetalhead]

He decided to castrate the niglet known as cake for fucking over the story. He appeared in his dreams and told him to do terrible things, and when cake awoke he had no balls....

Then Cake hung himself with a man thong.

the end




too much? or not enough?

or just retarded?

[Cake]

Lol who is cake? i am the only REAL cake and i am no niglet.....i shall sue this other cake

[crazyassmetalhead]

well he's dead so i guess we're gonna hafta continue the story then.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

At dawn, remorseful and shaken by his wrathful crime of castration, Greg returned to Cake's house to seek pardon. Finding the door unlocked, he stepped into the house to behold the grisly sight of hanging Cake. Recoiling in horror, Greg fled the grimacing visage of his dickless foe; heartbroken by guilt, he ran from the town in terrible pain.
The next morning found Greg despondent and weeping; lost upon a barren moor he had curled up to sleep, and the icy chill of damp brought all his sufferings crashing down; Cake was dead, and he was to blame.

[crazyassmetalhead]

Then a strapping young negro of a gnome came upon Greg. He said "Yo g, wanna get some H.?"

Greg nodded, and bought some H.

He cooked it up over his gnomish zippo with his gnomish spoon, poured it into his enchanted gnomish syringe and injected it.

Suddenly all was right with the world, and Greg faded into joyful bliss...

[Cake]

Little did greg know that he left the door to cakes MANSION open. A ZOMBIE bunny walked it abnd began to gnaw upon cakes corpse, who bagan to moan and came back to life. Cake wandered out of his home and fell into a barrel of toxic, radioactive used needles and grew to 20 times his size and grew 3 more dicks. After that cake wandered into the gnome village and began eating the magical shrooms mixed with the ocasional gnome and began to trip like a mofo.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Seven hours later, Greg shook off his blissful high: The dealer was gone, all of Greg's clothes were gone, and he was on the bathroom floor of a truck stop just outside the Jersey entrance to the Holland Tunnel.

[crazyassmetalhead]

he then knew what he must do.

the naked greg, then shaking severely and vomitting ran up to the nearest big rig, threw out it's large occupant, and began to drive the behometh big rig with the name "salvation" written on the sides in metallic flames.

little did he know what was stored in the back of the truck, nor did he care.

[Cake]

Cake continued his psycadelic trip and munchin on little gnomes. then he found this hot gnome babe and jizzed on her and laugh as she dround in his radioactive jizz.

[crazyassmetalhead]

meanwhile:

the creature formerly known as cake realized in the middle of a physcadelic trip that it did indeed have three dicks, yet still no balls.

the voices in it's mutated head urged it to jump off a cliff.

it hung itself again instead.





cake you have shitty timing, fuck you.

and how can something with no balls jizz on anything....bleed maybe.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Mystified by the strange celestial voice which chastised Cake from afar, Greg's fuzzy mind struggled against the drugs in his system; shaking his head to clear the fog, he saw that he had reached the Jersey Turnpike unscathed through some mighty act of providence. Patching out in the strange rig, he fancied he heard a strange song coming from the engine, a song that calmed his shot nerves and cleared his befuddled brain.....Then the transmission fell out onto the road.

[Cake]

As cake fell he had the urge to have balls....and the grew.....large and hairy and he grabbed the rope and pulled himself back up.....and began to shoot up some meth and started to tweak and slammed a bit more. then cake decided to shit.....so he shit...and many shrooms began to grow out of it. Then cake sold them to greg. greg took the shrooms and had a mad trip and began to swell up and also became a giant zombie and he and cake began to eat shrooms, take meth and THen discovered the rich feilds of green the gnomes had cleverly his behind a pole. they took all the meth, shrooms and weed and made some killer brownies and both ODed on meth. they then revived because zombies cant OD. Ahahahaha...ha...haha.....ha

[crazyassmetalhead]

ignoring the previous post...

the truck stopped, then flipped...

Greg flew through the windsheild (being naked and going through withdrawal he didn't bother with a seatbelt)....

luckily gnomes are very agile creatures, and he managed to land rather acrobatically and found out what the truck "redemption" was carrying....

[Nebuchadnezzar]

We can work around Cake... howbout this:

As suddenly as it had begun, the apocalyptic vision faded, leaving Greg to ponder the nature of his trip while the rig ground to a screeching halt. Unwilling to face the open road that high, he stumbled out of the cab and groped his way to the back of the trailer, wrenching the handle open to crawl in to shelter from the now-heavy rain.

[crazyassmetalhead]

where the meaning of his bizzare hallucination was clear.

the back of the trailer was filled with a bunch of boxes labeled "destiny"

he opened one.

it was filled with tec 9s and a lot of bullets.


there were many more boxes, of many more sizes.

he smiled and took one out of the box, put in a clip and cocked it.

then still naked, machine pistol in hand, he got back into the cab of the truck.

the storm began to pass.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

The next weeks passed in a blur of bloody vengeance as Greg struck again and again, casting a pall of fear over the eastern seaboard. Somehow, somewhere, he had come to be wearing a long black cape and a black fedora, and Redemption fueled his rage against the world with an endless supply of leaden death.

[crazyassmetalhead]

no he needs to keep the gnome hat, at all times........it's part of his persona.

he's greg the gnome.


but the cape works...

[Nebuchadnezzar]

mmkay....

gnome hat and sinister black cape, otherwise completely naked.

with a tec nine in each hand and a burning thirst for revenge...

revenge for what, you say? We may never know.

[crazyassmetalhead]

no he has to find a way back to gnome land..........he needs to find a way back with the guns

otherwise the bunnies win




but he can do plenty of revengencing while he's outside of gnome world........he needs to get some cool ass clothes ( and we need a side plot )



idk wanna draw a naked gnome too many times cause i decided this needs illustrations

i'm almost done drawing one, he's holding a tec 9 over his gnome dick and smoking a cigarette with his other hand.......typical gnome beard and hat

[crazyassmetalhead]

o ya and the guns are gnome sized and he can drive the truck with gnome magic.....cause gnomes are short as fuck

just some cognuity errors and such......we correct as we go

[Cake]

MEANWHILE: in the former city of gnomes the zombie bunnies and cake, the new zombie leader, were feasting upon a meal of gnome and shroom pudding. They had captured most of the gnomes and burned most of the homes. As cake was devouring a juicy brain, there was a noise, something he and the zombie bunnies had not heard in a long time.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Greg was seriously becoming worried about his hallucinations of the mysterious "Cake" and his plans for gnome domination. However, the vision soon passed and he was on the road again, the truck called Redemption having strangely grown a new transmission. Still bleary from his most recent trip, he did not perceive that the streets ran red with his victim's blood, nor that three helicopters followed him like carrion birds.

[ItsAPoorlyKeptSecret]

Greg started to try and outrun the helicopter. He turned into roads he saw would lead to forest with large coverage. As he drived in the Forest roads he started to recognize where he's trips had brought him, back home. He quickly found a cave to hid the guns in, ditched the truck a few miles away and returned to the cave. Its was very dark so he decided to sleep. At dawn the sun shining in his face he woke up to realize exactly what cave he spent the night in. It was the cave with the prophocey! The very cave that pretty much started Gregs many trips. Lookin more closely he realized there was more on these cave walls he had not seen before. It was him there was no dening the awesome fedora. He kne what he had to do, he would have to lead the Resistance against the Zombie Bunnies and the douche bag follower who was always way to bake, even bake enough to imagine he was the leader, Cake.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Through many hardships and trials, the truck called Redemption bore Greg home; he returned to a land under siege.
The demon Cake now commanded all Bunny legions, and the outnumbered gnomes had fallen back in disarray as ten thousand zombies swarmed across their town. Fearing annihilation, the Grand Gnome had evacuated the population, retreating below ground to the nigh impregnable bastion of Loomer Deep, ancient fortress of Gnome.
Greg stood among the scorched and mangled ruin of his home, brought to anguished tears by the ***ted slag that had once been his favorite bong, and fell to his knees in impotent fury at the scourge he had so long ignored.

[crazyassmetalhead]

it was dark now, passed out in the ruins of his former life Greg awoke to find a himself in a strange feeling of calm. He felt drowsy and decided to snort another pinch of the trucker speed he had found under the driver's seat of "Redemption". As he wiped his nose his inner peace was shattered by severe paranoia as he noticed the glowing of red eyes on the distance.

They were coming.

luckily he had brought a few weapons along with him. with a machine pistol in each hand and smoking a cigarette he defiantly faced the approaching swarm of zombie bunnies.

He began to hear strange voices in his head, urging him to kill.

The bunnies were far larger than him, and there were many of them. Greg knew he didn't have enough ammunition to kill the whole swarm, but he did know from the tales of old that the zombie bunnies attacked in waves. Redemption dwarfed them all in size as it took up half of what was a gnomish city.

Greg obeyed the demonic voices in his head, feeding their unquenchable bloodlust as long as he had the bullets to do so. He was down to his last clip. he discarded his other machine pistol, and loaded his last clip into the other. he then cocked it and made his way back calmly to the spacious cab of "redemption", firing 3 round burts into any approaching bunnies. He then sped up his entry into the behemoth truck as the bunnies approached faster and more frequently. He started the engine and in his haste hit a button on the dash. "Devil's son" began to blast at full volume through the truck's surprisingly high quality speakers. Greg noticed a pile of cds on the floor in the passenger side, along with more meth. He fired another smg burst out the window and gunned the engine, running over the approaching swarm as if they weren't even there.

It was getting hard to see through the blood on the windshield, Greg flipped on the wippers with a bit of gnome magic and continued his speedy meth fueled rampage through the forest on his way back to the cave of prophecies. On the way to the cave he got an appreciation for how spacious the cab of the big rig was, and gained even more of an appreciation for DevilDriver as the cd continued to blast.

Greg arrived at the cave and loaded up all the crates of weapons.

He then snorted another pinch of trucker speed and started up "Redemption" again, this time heading for Loomer Deep.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Within twenty minutes, he had traveled a hundred gnomish miles, and Redemption thundered into the valley of Loomer Deep. Finally, the precipitous crags became too close together; the big rig could go no further.
Determined to reach the stronghold, Greg leaped out of the cab and reloaded his pistols, sprinting the last mile to the fortress mouth. Startled, the gate guards shouted for him to stop, but he continued on, banging madly at the massive citadel gates of granite and steel. After several moments of Greg's hammering, the nonplussed guards dragged him away from the gate, demanding to know who he was. Finally, he calmed down enough to tell them of his travels and the ravages of the Bunnies. Horrified by his tales of woe, they hailed the gatekeepers within and the doors ground ponderously open, dragged by chain windlasses manned by half a dozen gnomes.

[crazyassmetalhead]

a circle formed, gnome blunts were passed as Greg told of his exploits and adventures.

during the course of this gnomes were ordered to retrieve the crates from redemption, as well as the cds and trucker speed.


they made the proper preparations, for the hour of doom was soon to be upon them.




somebody do the cake/zombie bunny story line now for a little bit

[Nebuchadnezzar]

Far away from the cold depths of Loomer Deep, the Zombie Bunny legions roamed cross country in their gruesome nightly hunt for food. High above the burning plains upon which they fell, Cake stood brooding and angry in the ruined belfry tower of a mighty cathedral, torched during the unstoppable Bunny advance. His raging bloodlust was still at a fever pitch, and since he had nothing to kill he merely roared at the sky, beating his massive, rotting wings against the ancient stones. He had seen Greg, had him almost within reach, but the canny gnome had escaped, killing nearly thirty of his best Bunnies with the great truck he drove.
With a furious screech, Cake spun around and struck the belfry wall with his massive talon, knocking several tons of stone to the ground eighty feet below. As suddenly as his rage had come, it left him, and his cold, tortured mind began to think. After a full hour spent in silence, Cake leaped off the belfry tower and spread his wings, heavily swooping towards a distant hillside with a solitary windmill, two fiery blades still turning, atop it.
Landing with a crunch and a cloud of rock dust, Cake stomped up to the windmill and hailed its burning tower with a single word;

"Amagurat!"

Soon, a strange sound issued forth from the depths below the mill; stone upon stone, as if a great door was grinding ajar. Massive feet slammed the ground, rotting flesh and rusting metal ***ded as one; blacker than the very stygian deep from whence it came. Through a gigantic hole in the windmill wall came a creature born on the bitterest of midnights, grown fell and mighty on the foul meats of the dead. From his den came Amagurat, mightiest of the Zombie Bunnies, captain of the Legions and lord of all that is darkness.

[ItsAPoorlyKeptSecret]

Cake trembled at the precence of Amagurat and fell to his knees. Amagurat let out the most deafening roar, a roar that went across the lands letting every zombie bunny know of his return from his long rest. He then looked down to cake and whispered in his ear, "Bring..me..Greg." Cake flew to his feet and knew a moments hesitation would surely bring death. He comanded that what few of the best zombie bunnies were left. It did not take long for them to find Greg's trail.

Meanwhile in Loomer Deep, chills ran down the spines of all gnomes when they heard the faint roar of Amagurat. There was sudden panic all around a lone still figure. That figure was Greg, he knew what that sound meant, but stood there bowl in hand. He took one last hit, put the bowl down and adjusted his fedora. He then went to stand on the fountain right in the middle of the town square and shouted "Silence!"

Everyone stopped running, still shaking, takin hits off the truckers meth to help steady themselves. Greg then began to give his very inspiring speech.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

wait, cake woke up Amagurat so he would kill Greg. Remember? Cake rules all Zombie Bunnies.

Actually, w/e its your thread

[crazyassmetalhead]

two observations:

it said 1 sentence at a time yet (in the beginning of the thread) and we never even tried to do that...

and

this epic battle between gnomes and zombie bunnies takes place in thge woods of New Jersey, somewhere off the turnpike (probably the pine barrens if anyone really cared)

i just think that's funny as shit

[Nebuchadnezzar]

One sentence at a time is all well and good, but I'm not sure it leaves time to get the whole thought across. Plus, we don't all post at the same time.

Yeah, it's either in the Jersey woods or in an attack on Loomer Deep, I'm down for either one.

[crazyassmetalhead]

i thought you made up loomer deep.... i was thinking about the big picture. like loomer deep would be in new jersey somwhere.


just a random ass big rig in the middle of the woods, a tiny fortification in some sort of rock formation, surrounded by a swarm of bunnies that are slightly larger than normal

an epic battle yet one of such small proportions as far as actual size goes

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I did...

That sounds good, I'll get right on it :)