Zamato Elite
December 5th, 2008, 12:06 AM
Don't do it!!!
High school relationships are extre***y retarded and pointless. Nearly every single one follows the same pattern (As displayed below). What puzzles me is peoples' reactions when they finally breakup. Did you honestly think you're little socially conforming "relationship" was going to last?
ENTERPHASE:
1. You meet a girl or guy who is physically hawt.
2. Then you make attempts to grab his or her attention. These attempts may include acting like a complete and total douche in front of your friends, or acting like an attention seeking clown in class.
3. You start talking on AIM or IRL. You get to know each other under the status of "friendship" even though you both want to fuck the living daylights out of each other. As long as the personality is bearable, you will proceed with the relationship.
4. The guy MUST ask out the girl via IRL or it is considered "weird." If the girl asks out the guy; well then the sun will implode and bring an end to our galaxy. <--Do not attempt!!!!1
5. You think you have found the most AMAZING person evar! You feel this tinging sensation inside you that you call "love" (When in reality that's just hormones stimulating your body). You think this is going to be the most amazing thing evar, and your going to get married and spend the rest of your life with this person. You think about him or her 24/7 and fantasize things that your pastor wouldn't approve of.
SEX PHASE:
6. ***Must kiss first week, or U WILL BE subject to social ridicule.***
7. Must wait at least a month before you can say "I love you." If you say it too early, then you come across as "weird" and "stalkerish." Hilariously enough, both partners have been experiencing this thing tingling sensation called "love", but they just can't make it public, for some odd reason.
8. Now it's the home stretch. You have passed all clearances and now you're objective is sex. Deep inside, both partners want to fuck each other, but thanks to social expectations, the girl will be a prude so she doesn't have to deal with the insults "you're a hoe" from all of her jealous cunty friends.
9. Eventually, one day while your making out one of you or her/him will make the move and you'll both conform (Unless the girl is a prude). You'll fuck each other using any variation desired. Usually hand jobs and oral come before intercourse. Depends on how bitchy the girl is, or how faggy the guy is.
10.* This can occur before or after and step listed above.* This is the stage that will inevitably come. It comes nearly 99.9% of time, yet every time, we all act surprised when it does. We begin to see personality and physical flaws in your partner. We grow annoyed by these flaws, and then enter the break up phase.
BREAK UP PHASE:
11. You find a problem with your parter and you go around asking your friends "what should I do?!?! What should I do!?!?!" Even though the answer to the question is blatantly obvious. Just fucking break up with the bitch! But no no no. That would make too much fucking sense. We would rather prolong our suffering even though the escape key is dangling right in our grasp.
12. You get all depressed and stressed over the issue. You began to avoid your partner when available. You feel your life is coming to an end, and there is no hope left!!! The sky is falling! Korea is launching nuclear bombs into China!!11 <--Actually doesn't sound too bad come to think of it
13. You eventually grow some balls the cut if off (Break up), that is, unless you partner hasn't done so first.
14. You're sad for about a week, then you get over it and return to Step 1.
There you go my friends. The cycle of the high school relationship. As you can see, it is filled with social expectations and codes. There is no true sense of bonding or co-individuality. It's a mess pool off torture and stress. Very few of them end on good terms, which leaves you with an annoying pain in the ass Ex for the rest of your high school career.
Now let me close by saying, not all relationships will follow this system exactly. Some may pose some features not listed, but at core, they will follow my diagram. Some will include the rare occurrences of death, or cheating. Even worst, some never end! Partners may go on to get married, which will leave them in an eternal bondage of suffering and torment. Haha, then wait for the kids to arrive. Good mother fucking luck.
-The Following was a Zamato Elite Production-
High school relationships are extre***y retarded and pointless. Nearly every single one follows the same pattern (As displayed below). What puzzles me is peoples' reactions when they finally breakup. Did you honestly think you're little socially conforming "relationship" was going to last?
ENTERPHASE:
1. You meet a girl or guy who is physically hawt.
2. Then you make attempts to grab his or her attention. These attempts may include acting like a complete and total douche in front of your friends, or acting like an attention seeking clown in class.
3. You start talking on AIM or IRL. You get to know each other under the status of "friendship" even though you both want to fuck the living daylights out of each other. As long as the personality is bearable, you will proceed with the relationship.
4. The guy MUST ask out the girl via IRL or it is considered "weird." If the girl asks out the guy; well then the sun will implode and bring an end to our galaxy. <--Do not attempt!!!!1
5. You think you have found the most AMAZING person evar! You feel this tinging sensation inside you that you call "love" (When in reality that's just hormones stimulating your body). You think this is going to be the most amazing thing evar, and your going to get married and spend the rest of your life with this person. You think about him or her 24/7 and fantasize things that your pastor wouldn't approve of.
SEX PHASE:
6. ***Must kiss first week, or U WILL BE subject to social ridicule.***
7. Must wait at least a month before you can say "I love you." If you say it too early, then you come across as "weird" and "stalkerish." Hilariously enough, both partners have been experiencing this thing tingling sensation called "love", but they just can't make it public, for some odd reason.
8. Now it's the home stretch. You have passed all clearances and now you're objective is sex. Deep inside, both partners want to fuck each other, but thanks to social expectations, the girl will be a prude so she doesn't have to deal with the insults "you're a hoe" from all of her jealous cunty friends.
9. Eventually, one day while your making out one of you or her/him will make the move and you'll both conform (Unless the girl is a prude). You'll fuck each other using any variation desired. Usually hand jobs and oral come before intercourse. Depends on how bitchy the girl is, or how faggy the guy is.
10.* This can occur before or after and step listed above.* This is the stage that will inevitably come. It comes nearly 99.9% of time, yet every time, we all act surprised when it does. We begin to see personality and physical flaws in your partner. We grow annoyed by these flaws, and then enter the break up phase.
BREAK UP PHASE:
11. You find a problem with your parter and you go around asking your friends "what should I do?!?! What should I do!?!?!" Even though the answer to the question is blatantly obvious. Just fucking break up with the bitch! But no no no. That would make too much fucking sense. We would rather prolong our suffering even though the escape key is dangling right in our grasp.
12. You get all depressed and stressed over the issue. You began to avoid your partner when available. You feel your life is coming to an end, and there is no hope left!!! The sky is falling! Korea is launching nuclear bombs into China!!11 <--Actually doesn't sound too bad come to think of it
13. You eventually grow some balls the cut if off (Break up), that is, unless you partner hasn't done so first.
14. You're sad for about a week, then you get over it and return to Step 1.
There you go my friends. The cycle of the high school relationship. As you can see, it is filled with social expectations and codes. There is no true sense of bonding or co-individuality. It's a mess pool off torture and stress. Very few of them end on good terms, which leaves you with an annoying pain in the ass Ex for the rest of your high school career.
Now let me close by saying, not all relationships will follow this system exactly. Some may pose some features not listed, but at core, they will follow my diagram. Some will include the rare occurrences of death, or cheating. Even worst, some never end! Partners may go on to get married, which will leave them in an eternal bondage of suffering and torment. Haha, then wait for the kids to arrive. Good mother fucking luck.
-The Following was a Zamato Elite Production-