I hate my fucking boss!! Need assistance

[Justpissed]

Hows it going ya'll, i need a hand if you dont mind. My boss is the fattest piece of shit of all time. And i wanted to know if there was any types of daily pranks, to possibly get him terribly ill (that would be a shame :D) or just plain old revenge. He littlerally sits around all day and doenst do shit, he always bosses me around, tells me to do this, and tells me to do that! When all he does is become more of the abobinal cunt that he is!! I have pulled some fast ones so far, like when one of the girls at work had the shits, and forgot to flush the toilet! (This is fucking classic,) i took the extra Mountain Dews from the f***** and put the tops on there, (didnt stick my hand in that nasty shit,) and threw them back in there! HOHO he did drink one, but the plan kind of backfired, and a girl i like drank the rest :eek: oh well, so to anyone out there who has a GENIOUS idea, i'm all ears.

[psyonic_7]

Here's what you do.

Get some habenero peppers, you want the wet packed kind not the dried ones, drain the juice from the peppers into a spray bottle. Spray it on things that only he is likely to touch like his phone or the handles on his desk drawers or on his keyboard. He'll get this stuff on his hands and if he touches anything sensitive on his body such as his eyes, nose, or, and this is the ideal, his genitals or anus, it will burn like hell and it is very difficult to wash off.

AND unless you get caught in the act, it's pretty safe.

Plus, even if he does manage to wash it off his hands, there will still be oils from the peppers in his office and it will likely happen again and again until someone serisously cleans the sprayed areas.

[col50]

Here's what you do:

Quit your job. If you hate your boss so much just tell him to fuck off and quit.

[ItsAPoorlyKeptSecret]

ewwwww to the mountain dew thing thats fuckin gross i dont care how much you hate someone.

[CHEETZzz]

i like the peppers idea

and also, [rofl, i say this so often]

frame him for cocaine!!

[Phoenix Fire]

Hobanero is not enough...
Find you some bhut jolokia

[Maggotsfriend]

Shoot him in the stomach with a road flare.

[psyonic_7]

Naga jolokia = 1,041,427 scovilles

...and would make a better pepper (habaneros are only like 350,000 scovilles)...but they're not available in every grocery store like habaneros which are sufficient enough to cause severe discomfort.

[twenglish1]

loosen the screws on everything in his office: desk, chair, shelves, etc... and one day it will all come crashing down

[numerator-91]

You hate your boss because he bosses you around and tells you what to do.
Welcome to the real world motherfucker!!

[Maggotsfriend]

Give him aids!!!!!!

But think about this how did he get to be the boss and that gives him perfect justification for him to treat everyone below him like shit.

[Justpissed]

in the real world, i cant imagine sitting around all day in a fucking chair, barking orders, and hitting on girls have your age. If you met the guy, you'd understand, a true piece of shit this guy, thanks for the tips though fellas

[Kads]

slip 'somthing' in his drink. (if you have cameras or tattle tales make sure they dont see you)
call the main office.
say your boss has been acting weird and you think he's on drugs.

[Justpissed]

nice, the good thing about were i work is there are no cameras, but a lot of whiney narcy bitches running around here. Basically i want him to have SEVERE pain, just if it takes some times, i tried the visine in his coffee, but the son of a bitch spills it out JUST before he drinks it, shit out of luck i guess

[Kads]

lol, shit happens i guess.

for the bolder vigilante:
wait by his car at closing time with a lock in a sock.

use your imagination to figure out the rest.

[Justpissed]

haha sounds good, but if this cock sucker ends up missing, i'm sure the boys in blue will be knocking in the morning trying to put the pieces togather, lol thanks though

[numerator-91]

everyones boss is always a cunt, its a fact of life. but just remember who signs off your pay at the end of the week

[Kads]

ski mask + lock n sock + a day when your not on the schedule = a beating your boss wont forget.

[AvengedX7]

Here's what you do.

Get some habenero peppers, you want the wet packed kind not the dried ones, drain the juice from the peppers into a spray bottle. Spray it on things that only he is likely to touch like his phone or the handles on his desk drawers or on his keyboard. He'll get this stuff on his hands and if he touches anything sensitive on his body such as his eyes, nose, or, and this is the ideal, his genitals or anus, it will burn like hell and it is very difficult to wash off.

AND unless you get caught in the act, it's pretty safe.

Plus, even if he does manage to wash it off his hands, there will still be oils from the peppers in his office and it will likely happen again and again until someone serisously cleans the sprayed areas.

I like the idea the oils will be there for a while. just dont get caught

[Phoenix Fire]

Light him on fire!
firee...
Bwahhaahahha FIRIIIRIEEEr

[Warpurlgis]

just punch him in the tit

[twenglish1]

i have no fucking clue how you are going to pull this off but when he is in his office knock him out(drug him, hit him with a bat, i don't know get creative) when your at work prop a door open so you can come back at night when he is still out cold in his office board the the door up make it nice and tight. when he wakes up he will have no fucking clue what is going on. for added effect maybe leave a ransom note

[Phoenix Fire]

Cut off his penis and hold it for ransom, that will make headlines.

[twenglish1]

so will boarding up his office with him in it. maybe cut his penis off hang it from the ceiling in his office and board it up and leave a ransom note

[Phoenix Fire]

Or board up his office with his penis and leave a ransom note for his missing kidney that you removed while he was unconcious?
then rick roll him!

[twenglish1]

haha i could just imagine see that on the news "man locked in office with boards and a...penis? and his kidney is being held for ransom" what the fuck is this world coming to

[Phoenix Fire]

Sending this to The Onion

[twenglish1]

what it didn't happen yet

[Phoenix Fire]

Exactly .

[pyro_davey]

if he has a wife make a copy of the key to his house and place it somewere near his house not noticable but easily findable with directions then find out when she gets home then befor she gets homa hire 2 hookers to come to the house right befor his women gets then (hows he gona explain the hookers in the house hahahahahahahahahahahahaha) or paintbucket filled with wutelse paint then drop a chunk of dry ice into it close the lid then shake and leave on his door step (perferably bright collors like orange,purple,pink or something easiably noticeable make sure oil based paint harder to get off

[pyro_davey]

or fuck up his house his car burn all his stuff after you nock him unconcius wile in desguise bribe your co-workers to say you were there at work the hole day and have somebody use your comp to make it seem like u were at ure desk cuase that would leave records of you working witch is what you want them to think hahahahahahahahahahaha then make everybody think hes suicidel and have him sent to an insane ossilume i dont know how to spell that dont blame me.

[Phoenix Fire]

or fuck up his house his car burn all his stuff after you nock him unconcius wile in desguise bribe your co-workers to say you were there at work the hole day and have somebody use your comp to make it seem like u were at ure desk cuase that would leave records of you working witch is what you want them to think hahahahahahahahahahaha then make everybody think hes suicidel and have him sent to an insane ossilume i dont know how to spell that dont blame me.

Words: 89

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Missing Punctuation: Countless

Please make an attempt..

[Kads]

in all honesty, the lock in the sock method and the hot pepper spray bottle method are you're two best bets.

lol at spelling fail two posts above me.

[Warpurlgis]

just kill him

[twenglish1]

but make him suffer. cut his dick off and choke him with it

[Kads]

sure, lets leave prints on the body, the cops are sure to miss that.

[TennisBomber]

Two options.


1, take your boss golfing, and don't let him get in your golf cart! BWAHAHA!

or

2, take him fishing, and push him off the boat, and from that point you have two more options, leave him to die! Or you can help him out, and he still HAS TO DRY HIS HAIR OFF, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!


ON a serious note, go with the habanero peppers, or stinkpalm him.

[Warpurlgis]

even better take him canoeing and tip it

[Grimble Grumble]

or stinkpalm him.

Haha, "Sure, I'd love some chocolate pretzels."

[Kads]

idk, im sure the boss would think somthings up if the employee he's always a dick too wants to take him fishing or canoeing.

i know i would if i was him

[Explosives_expert]

Kinda like the pepper idea;

sprinkle some powdered pepper on his toilet paper. Only problem is that there may be some collateral damage with other people who may use the bathroom.

[Warpurlgis]

idk doesn't work in my head

[Warpurlgis]

could piss on toilet paper

[twenglish1]

or put ground up fiber glass on it

[tunerkid18]

i may do the fiberglass trick at school....my autobody class has tons of that crap

[twenglish1]

haha you could also check your attic or basement for explosed insulation it will most likely be fiberglass

[Imperium]

I'm wondering how many of you talking about the fiberglass will remember to at the very least use a dust mask while handling.

[Grimble Grumble]

Go postal.

[twenglish1]

I'm wondering how many of you talking about the fiberglass will remember to at the very least use a dust mask while handling.

yes remember to use a dustmask it will be a bad thing to breathe in

[Shotgun]

If you make him sick or do something physical to him and you get caught, you pull time. better if he is straight, go to a magazine or get on the internet and find gay sites or magazines. use his name, sign up for subscription and have it mailed to his house, work and his parents house. Then start the rumor at the office, you heard he was gay. When and if he gets up and walks away...call his extension, just as he is about to answer it hang up. do it over and over, but dont let him see you. before he goes to the bathroom, if its a private one...put clear wrap under the seat all the way across the toilet opening...it'll make a mess and is not legally harmfull, but be careful if he finds out you are the ONE, he could make your life hell or fire you.:eek:

[Warpurlgis]

i love pranks....